to you both.

there are two women in my life. two women i love very much. they are two people with whom i've shared drunken pleasures, the cold of shimla and the pinkness of jaipur, the feeling of being perpetually broke, heartbreakes, car rides that made us feel like 'bad-ass' boys (!), regrets about the lack of men in our lives, good food, bad food and a lot of food in general, good times, bad times, and the last 8 months of my life. they are not people whom i can relate to much. they are not people with whom i have a lot in common. they like noida and clubbing, i like north capmus and the sound of a classical guitar. i like frank o'hara, they don't like to have much to do with poetry. they will crack very, very silly jokes and roll over laughing while i would look at them incredously. point is, that i am very different from them, and they, from me. but they are my friends. friends without whom i could not have spent the last few months in this unknown city, friend i can always count on, to make me laugh. friends who would call me over their place so that i get good food. friends who probably wouldnt understand what i am talking about or how i feel, but would nevertheless listen. friends, whom i love. of course that sounds like a repition in itself because if they are my friends then it is because i love them.. but well. so when i see a list of 'dearest friends' on one of their 'profiles', i expect to see my name in the list. and it mildly surprises me when i find that i feature nowhere in the list.and i realise, that the three of us are not really a trio. it is more like this- the two of them, and me. and while i cannot lie and pretend not to feel hurt, i understand, nevertheless. i understand the two of them are a source of solace to each other and their friendship extends beyond just college, and car rides and cigarettes. perhaps it is because of the lack of display of affection on my part, or perhaps it is because i like being with myself than anyone else, but what remains is this- to them i am not what i used to be. and that saddens me. but this post is not about me, it is about them. 'them'. i say 'them' because i can no longer think of each one of them in isolation. when i think one, the other's presence is immediately felt. like two peas in a pod. like two leaves on a flower. like two friends. they are not like my other friends. most of whom, are either writers, musicians or some kind of 'intellectuals' in their own right. these two women, are different. they are fun. that is the only way to describe them. somehow, it is very difficult fot to imagine them sad or depressed, for i have never, ever, seen them without a smile on their faces. on the hottest day, on the most upsetting day, on the most stressful day, on the most horrible day, they would wear a smile on their faces like its a part of them. like their eyes, nose, lips, the smile is just there.

so while i may not post kisses and 'i love you's on facebook, and turn up for college just to meet you, i love you. for you are two people in my life that i would not give for anybody else, anything else. for you two, are my friends.