Of Men and a Woman

Checking my phone in between writing

Shows ‘no notifications’.

Not getting WhatsApp and Insta messages

Makes me feel forgotten by the men

Who remember me when they are horny.

My life revolves around men

For them I postpone my heartbeats

And adjust the pace of my pulse.

I am trying to learn self restraint-

In this, one cannot give away one's tinder stories.

Like the time a guy climbed off of you

And said “I am done.”

Or the time another one

Looked down your bare back

And said “whoa you are hairy”.

I mistake longing for love

And desperation for love

And loneliness for love

And silent screams, for love.

I am naive and stupid

All their synonyms and everything in between.

I scroll through profiles of strange men on dating apps

And send them clever one-liners

And questions that I think will grab their attention

Because I have reduced myself to an existence

That depends on the might of a man.

I say I am a feminist

All I am is a lonely little bitch.